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Dear Auntie

by Neil Rochford

Dear Auntie

I am On the Run! I am e-mailing as I need to Conceal my Location. After I wrote to you last, I met Nurse Nellie again. I said, "Hello Nurse Nellie!". She said, "Hello Eric my Dearest!" I was surprised by this approach as in my experience ladies are only Nice when they Want Something (except you, Auntie. And Mummy). Sadly this proved to be All Too True.

Nurse Nellie told me that her baby was My Baby and would be called Little Eric. She showed me a scan of the baby. I said it did not look like me but more like Action Man, because it had those elbows that bend a little but not enough to be any use, whereas I am like all our family - stiff Upper Lip, stiff Upper Limbs.

She said that it could not be Action Man.s because he is impoverished, improvident and probably American. She said I would have to pay Lots of Money to look after the baby. I ran for it.

Nurse Nellie yelled after me that she would have the CSA on me. Are they like the RSCPA? The RSPCA are very tough- they once told Mummy off for kicking the corgis.

She also said that she will have my Nuts. This will make my legs fall off. I do not think she is my friend any more. Can you hide me?

Eric