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R/C Tank Combat

The Uprising


Annapolis, MD - May 6, 2007
by Vern Dernberger

A shocking development threatens to turn the R/C Tank Combat world on end with the possibility of a bloody civil war in the Maryland area. Although details are sketchy, it has been confirmed that a large faction of battlers in the Maryland area have vowed to overthrow the current regime. The leader of this uprising, known only as Amir, stated that "The current corrupt regime has been in power since the hobby first started and it is time for them to step aside." He continued by saying that "just because five guys participated in the first battle doesn't give them the right to rule the hobby forever. They need to spread the wealth throughout the organization or be prepared to suffer the consequences."

Experts have been anticipating a conflict of this kind for the last year or so, as the number of battlers in the Maryland area has increased. Strong young guns, like Amir, Wacker, Schultz, Carioti, Snyder, Hayes, Tyree, and Burbeck, have been under the oppressive thumb of legendary veterans Pittelli, Montgomery, Tyng, Sommer and Pittelli who participated in the first battle. The five veterans quickly took power of the fledgling hobby and have ruled with an iron-fist ever since. Now, the young guns are apparently on the verge of civil war in order to overthrow the current regime and assume leadership themselves. At stake, of course, is control of the vast wealth built up as the result of Maryland's total domination of the tank combat world for the last 4 years.

"The old guard needs to step down before they get hurt", said Marty "The Legend" Hayes, who many experts believe is the real mastermind of the uprising. "If they don't step aside peacefully", he continued to say, "we'll simply have to move them aside". "Our technology is better, our skills are better, and we can't lose", stated Chris "The Hitman" Wacker. "I'll let my gun do the talking", said Rick Schultz as he walked into a closed door meeting with his fellow conspirators. "Young freedom fighters like Doug Conn will sacrifice themselves for the cause and we will eventually succeed because of their martyrdom", stated Amir as he lit a copy of the Maryland Attack Group banner on fire.

"What uprising?", asked John Pittelli, one of the first participants in the hobby, "I'm sure it's all just a mis-understanding and it will all be resolved after we return from our annual month-long planning meeting in the Bahamas". Joe Sommer stated that "we taught them everything *they* know, but not everything *we* know ... so we'll see who comes out on top". Skilled veterans Steve Tyng and Will Montgomery simply stated that "we're not afraid of those punks ... bring it on". Frank "Rule Master" Pittelli couldn't be reached for comment, but is expected to be formulating a new set of rules that will make the illegal uprising illegal.

When asked for their comment on the situation, representatives from rival trucking companies Tanner Express, Marlow & Sons Trucking and the legendary Blattau Brothers Van Lines, said only that "War is good for business. We don't really care what they're fighting over these days, just as long as they need us to supply them with ammo". Mike Blattau stated off the record that "I've always encouraged people to 'just get along', but apparently nobody has been listening. So, if they're going to fight anyway, we might as well make some money helping both sides."

The most interesting aspect of this conflict is that Paul Pittelli, the youngest member of the wealthy and powerful Pittelli Clan, has been silent on the issue. As the 6th tank battler (he participated in the second day of battling during the First Tyng Invitational using his brother's Tiger), Paul has long been considered part of the ruling class but he's also been a behind-the-scenes adviser to many of the young guns. With his ultra-reliable KV-1 in the balance, he could sway the battle to whatever side he joins. "I'm considering all options at this point", Paul said, "it all depends on who offers the best health and retirement benefits".

Only time will tell how this conflict is resolved. It is widely expected that all concerned parties will meet on the battlefield in Waldorf, Maryland on June 9-10 to resolve their differences. Anyone who wants to participate in or watch the legendary conflict should make plans now to attend. The fate of the hobby could lie in the balance.