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R/C Tank Combat
Battle Worsensby Unfortunate Eric
12 July 2009
Dear Auntie Ethel
Things have gone from bad to worse! Thank you for your letter. It was a great comfort to me. I do not think the Tank Men are strange, though (except Mr Pete).
The Tank Men decided to change the teams and Mr Neil teamed up with Mr James against Mr Chris and Mr Pete on the guns and Mr Phil with his Locust.
Mr James said that I was a Very Important Person and I should go inside the castle with a guard (Mr Action Man) and Atkins the Robot to protect me. I gave Mr Action Man some tea (I had remembered my clean hanky and used it as a doyley) and offered Mr Robot a squirt of WD40 but he refused. It's like you always say, Auntie- you can never trust someone who has tennis balls for feet to have good manners.
Anyway, I was just handing round the fairy cakes when Mr James came crashing through the door! It turns out that he and Mr Neil had a Mission to capture the Very Important Person (me) and kill his guards! He captured me but Mr Phil rescued me. I do not think Mr Phil comes from an old family as he tells me he married into money (37.50 pounds).
When I came back Mr Action Man was horribly wounded with purple paint all over his trousers. I tell you Auntie it was the Spanish Armada all over again.
Next the Tank Men made a New Rule that you couldn't shoot a vehicle once it was inside the castle. I'd like to say it was for fear of hitting Me but I think it was to make a better Game.
Mr Neil and Mr James attacked again but this time Mr James captured me in his jeep! This was very fast and he got away. I am Battered and Bruised.
Mr Action Man has gone off to see Nurse Nellie. Nurse Nellie has been very kind to me. She has pink sheets. She has also been kind to Mr Action Man! I think maybe she has got Carried Away like you did in 1982 with the crew of HMS Invincible. Anyway she says she is going to have a baby which is Nice.
I have decided I don't like Mr James and I have started a new page in my diary headed Nasty Men and Mr James is in it.
As for the rest of them, I think that you are right and they are a load of tankers.
Your affectionate nephew