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R/C Tank Combat

A No Hope

Battle #2 Summary

by Neil Rochford

The FTF Strikes Back

Funky neroc and Miss Claire Andrews left the FTF upon gloomy skies. The drive to Stoke "on" Trent brought even damper conditions. The transporter pulled into the battle ground high up the hill. Soon we realized we were actually inside a cloud. Mr "Wookie Nookie" Arundle and Mr "lightbeer" Palmer seemed not to even notice the slippery, cold and damp conditions so FTF mechanics decided to take T078 out of the transporter and start to put it together. Under our force field (gazebo) away from the drizzle all seemed well, until it was realized that the tracks were still in the workshop and the radio for the leopard was still on charge in the FTF mess hall almost 30 lightyear miles away. Funkiness was in danger of turning to grumpiness so the lovely Miss Andrews offered to go and retrieve them.

The stage was set for three men and three tanks to fight it out in an "All for none and none for all" scenario:

  • Phil Palmer took control of the Hetzer (T057)
  • Pete Arundle was awarded use of the locust (T055)
  • Neil Rochford sat inside the 1/3rd Marder III (T078), acting as field artillery until its tracks arrived.

By the time the battle started the cloud had moved away and the battlefield was bathed in glorious sunshine, from the fighting compartment of T078 two small tanks could be seen in the distance, one to the left and one to the right. Clearly those two had decided to take out the Marder before chancing it with each other, this plan was not going to be very successful. T078 could very quickly and accurately switch from one target to the next, whoever was showing the most side at any one time.

It was decided that the Marder operator had to walk across the battle field when re-arming with a round of painballs. This gave the opposing tanks the time to get closer and take a few shots at the Marder crew positioned hither and tither. As soon as the Marder operator was back with more ammo the tanks took a pounding and were sent back to home base time and time again. T078 was proving a very good Field Artillery piece as long as its foe didn't move out of the 45 degree per side killing zone (this became known as the "dark side"). After constant attempts a rebel scum tank would get through the barrage and into the dark side area where the Marder could not fire. At this point the rebel tank needed every remaining shot to count in an attempt to kill the Marders FA crew, before facing certain death on the trip back to home base to reload.

During the battle both tanks achieved the mission, (one by turning off his targeting computer and just going with a "vibe" after listening to the voices in his head), killing two Marder crew members but at a heavy price. One rebel tanker had the idea of using his toe hook to take down the Marder FA but at the crucial point his button wouldn't work after dripping peanut butter on the instrument panel earlier that morning. This was not a good day for rebel tank crews as the Funky Tank Foundry struck back.

Offical Scores for A No Hope Battle #2
Team Asset Operator Hits
FTF T078 Neil Rochford 4 14 0 0 0 0 1,000 3,500 0.778
TOTAL 4 14 0 0 0 0 1,000 3,500 0.778
Rebels T055 Pete Arundel 8 2 0 0 0 0 2,000 500 0.200
  T057 Phil Palmer 6 2 0 0 0 0 1,500 500 0.250
TOTAL 14 4 0 0 0 0 3,500 1,000 0.222

Asset Type Net Points
T078 Marder III Ausf N 2,500
T057 JgPz 38(t) Hetzer -1,000
T055 Locust M22 -1,500
Operator Net Points
Neil Rochford 2,500
Phil Palmer -1,000
Pete Arundel -1,500