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Operation Coxsackie Freedom Commences

by Vern Dernberger

September 10, 2004 - Glen Burnie, Maryland

Under clear blue skies, the main heavy elements of the Maryland Attack Group departed from a secret staging area in Glen Burnie to begin Operation Coxsackie Freedom.  Although many details about the operation are classified, this reporter has learned that the advance units should be arriving in the Coxsackie area sometime this evening, with additional units due to arrive later in the evening.   Military analysts believe that hostilities could begin as early as Saturday morning.

According to MAG officials, the purpose of this operation is "to free the people of Coxsackie from a tyrannical dictator, known only as Bill Johns, the so-called Butcher of Athens", but many insiders feel that this is just another example of MAGs quest for more resources and resort areas.  MAG's founder and leader, Frank Pittelli, had this to say "Any notion that MAG is interested in acquiring more wealth is simply not true, we are conducting this operation to bring freedom to people who have never experienced it, if we happen to acquire a couple new casinos in the process, that is simply a side-effect."  Pittelli took no questions from reporters after making the statement, as his stretch SUV limosine wisked him to his private jet so that he could join the troops outside of Coxsackie for cocktails.

Within minutes of the announcement, unconfirmed reports indicated that groups of academic insurgents associated with the insidious Al Quesy organization were on the move from academic strongholds like Penn State and Drexel heading towards Coxsackie.  "We will do whatever it takes to drive MAG out of our homeland", said Dr. Joe Sommer, who many believe is the mastermind behind all Al Quesy operations.  Sommer continued to say that, "The commercialization and prosperity fostered by organizations like MAG has no place in the NorthEast and our academic freedom fighters will ensure that they don't succeed."  At that point, Dr. Sommer had to cut the interview short as the satellite dish on his 48' custom RV from which he was broadcasting the message failed to maintain an adequate signal level.

Based on technical developments that have been made over the past 6 months, this could be the largest and most technically advanced battle ever seen, show-casing much of the advanced weaponry that MAG has built.  Yet, with all their technical skills and vast wealth, some experts believe that the mountainous terrain in the Coxsackie area could give the advantage to the less capable, but highly motivated Al Quesy insurgents.  As one anonymous MAG insider said, "This could get pretty ugly before we gain total control of the battlefield, but we will win".

This reporter will be embedded with MAG forces throughout the campaign, hoping to report whenever and wherever the opportunity arises.