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R/C Tank Combat

Corporate Takeover



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Jessup, MD - May 2, 2009
by Vern Dernberger

With governments around the globe focused solely on the economic turmoil that they helped to create, corporate leaders are essentially on their own to make their way through the economic minefield and lead their companies to greener pastures. With that in mind, it should be no surprise to our regular readers that two of the most powerful corporations in the R/C Tank Combat world are once again squaring off. This reporter has learned that on or about May 2, 2009 at 10am Maryland-based Tri-Pact Global Industries, LLC (TPGI) will undertake a hostile takeover of the Pennsylvania-based YomamaDyne Technologies, Inc (YT). Unlike most corporate takeovers, however, which are negotiated in the boardroom, this takeover will be negotiated on the battlefield.

"It's just good business sense", stated John Pittelli, long-time TPGI Board Member, "with governments focused elsewhere, we are free to conduct business however we want. After all, why should governments have a monopoly on waging wars ... that's just un-American". He further explained that, "YomamaDyne has been dumping cheap products on our customers for too long and we need to put a stop to their predatory practices." Mr. Pittelli then boarded a private helicopter that would fly him a few miles down to Washington to ask Congress for a second round of bailout money for TPGI.

Doug Conn, President and CEO of YomamaDyne Technologies held a press conference as soon as he heard about takeover rumors. "I want to assure all YT stockholders that we are still solvent and any talk of a hostile takeover is nonsense", explained Mr. Conn, "we are stronger now than ever before". When asked by a reporter if he could support such a statement with data, Mr. Conn stated that "I'll be happy to provide you with exact numbers as soon as we receive the dividend check for our large investment in the Madoff Mutal Fund." He spent the rest of the press conference showing photographs from his recent 9 month vacation to a tropical island which had no communication with the outside world.

Tom Lum, a consumer who has purchased equipment from both companies, told me privately that "Both companies offer some quality merchandise, but you've got to be careful what you buy nowadays. I recently bought a highly marketed electric vehicle from YT and was pleased overall, but it needed work done on it within a few days of delivery." He explained further, "It only hit the wall at 25 MPH ... they just don't make them like they used to."

Steve Tyng, an engineering design consultant who has worked for both companies stated that, "they both sell overly complicated equipment made out of overly expensive materials ... a piece of plywood and wood is all you really need." When asked if he cared which corporation prevailed, Steve said, "no, not really, my money is safely invested in AIG stock."

Paul Pittelli, a life-long government employee stated that he would participate in the takeover attempt even though it didn't involve any government forces, provided that there were the same number of coffee breaks and at least a two hour lunch period. "I'm sure the private sector will soon discover how hard it is to conduct a war and keep everything on schedule", he further explained, "we've been trying for hundreds of years and are still having problems, especially with that whole media management thing."

Will Montgomery had the last word on the matter, stating that "These things have to happen every fiscal quarter or so in order to weed out the weak companies." He continued to say that, "Sure, lots of things will be destroyed, but that just increases sales in the next quarter", as he walked away laughing.

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