|Monkton, Maryland - August 28, 2005:
As the world's sole R/C Tank Combat super-power, the Maryland Attack
Group has pursued a relentless quest for "peace through superior
fire-power". The most recent evidence of that paradoxical pursuit is
the expected addition of four operational tanks to their arsenal.
Although details are still sketchy for some of these vehicles, this
reporter expects MAG to announce the addition of a Leopard, Cromwell and
Comet to their ranks, following close behind their announcement of the
new Jagdtiger last week. "These vehicles represent some of the best
technology in the hobby", stated Dr. Von Hupple, Director of Tri-Pact
Laboratories, "and we're expecting them to perform flawlessly on the
battlefield". This reporter has also learned that the venerable Tiger-1
has undergone yet another overhaul, reportedly resulting in a
state-of-the-art turret system. "We continue to expend the resources
required to keep one of the icons of the hobby operational", Dr. Von
Hupple explained, "despite the huge cost in time and money".
Although MAG leaders continue to stress that the vehicles are being
developed solely for "homeland defense" and "force replenishment", many
insiders believe that MAG may be gearing up for a long awaited conflict
with the Northern Barbarians. "Absolutely not", says Frank Pittelli,
MAG's VP of Marketing and a member of the secretive Pittelli Clan,
"these vehicles will be used primarily for peaceful efforts, such as
charity fund-raising, programs for dis-advantaged children and hurricane
relief". He continued to state that, "MAG is primarily a charitable
organization, despite previous reports. When the Tiger-1 rolls into a
children's hospital, the joy on their little faces is priceless."
Marketing speak aside, other parts of the Maryland Attack Group appear
to have different motives. One MAG member close to the inner circle of
leaders had this to say on condition of anonymity, "If the Canadians
ever show up on the battlefield, we'll crush them". Known only as Mr.
M, the insider stated that MAG would use it's military might whenever
and wherever it suited it's purposes. "It's time to kick some #$*".
Another insider, known only as "Dr. J" stated that "we're tired of
subsidizing the public relations tours of the Tiger-1 ... it's a
technological piece of #$%^ and we need to retire the darn thing instead
of wasting money on it."
Many industry experts believe that such a clear difference of direction
within the MAG leadership could lead to a major conflict within the
group, possibly even leading to a civil war. This reporter has recently
learned that such a conflict may indeed happen as soon as September 17,
2005 when a large number of battlers from the Maryland vicinity
(including Pennsylania, Virginia, West Virginia and New Jersey) meet in
Monkton Maryland for a "day of technological exchange", according to MAG
marketing literature. Frank Pittelli stated that "we're getting
together at St. Paul's School for a relaxing day of information exchange
and to spread our message of peace to that region". On the other hand,
Mr. M. stated that "There's going to be a shake-up on the 17th ... it's
time for the bleeding hearts in our ranks to step aside".
With a total attendance of 11 operational tanks, 3 artillery pieces and
3 support vehicles, the Monkton event could either be the biggest
peaceful exchange of information or the biggest battle ever seen in the
hobby. In either case, this reporter will be watching from nearby to
see exactly what transpires at the "1st Monkton Crusade".