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First and foremost:
Tyng Labs unequivocally denies the allegation that Tyng Laboratories is engaged in
the production of weapons of mass destruction!
Reports of our attempts to acquire quantities of Agent W are correct, but only for
its benign use in our water purification plants, and as a defensive measure on our
part. Tyng Labs has uncovered an insidious and subtle form of chemical warfare
being conducted upon areas in and around Tyng Laboratories by the Tiger Alliance!
In our primary water supply which flows from points north, we have confirmed the
existence of trace quantities of a chemical known to enhance and accelerate
incidences of male pattern baldness. This chemical is a known byproduct from the
manufacture and use of a class of mind altering drugs which give the user an
inflated hubris and sense of invulnerability. Tyng Labs has not as yet located the
exact source of this contamination but has narrowed the location to somewhere in and
around the town of Edgewater Maryland. Agent W has shown the peculiar ability to
remove this contamination from our water supply and its immediate acquisition in
substantial quantities has become an immediate concern for Tyng Laboratories.
Steve "A little thin on the top" Tyng